Screw Cancer (3/1/18)

Screw Cancer! – Day 1

I’ve been awake since 4 a.m.

My first appointment isn’t until 8:45 a.m.

The doctor has already told me that I have cancer.

This morning I will find out what will happen next.

I’m hopeful that surgery, with a little of this and a little of that, will get rid of it.

I did not invite cancer to invade my body. It needs to leave NOW!

Later in the day …

The news is not what I expected. Chemo is my only option. Next week I will have a bone marrow test and a port inserted just under the skin on my chest. Hair loss is to be expected. Surgery is not an option. Other tests will include a PET scan and an echo heart something or other.

So it begins. The gal who has a fear of doctors is now going to be tied to them forever.

On the plus side, I received a ton of hugs from the staff and a stuffed bear with a sweet note.

Guess it’s time to start my collection of ball caps. ~Catherine

Screw Cancer! – Day 2

I managed to sleep last night for about six hours, and woke up at 4:40 a.m. That’s better than yesterday. Forty extra minutes.

Needless to say, I’ve been all over the Internet researching this dreadful disease. The doctor said it’s “curable.”

On Monday, I will get all kinds of information when I go to chemo class at the hospital.

R-CHOP – That’s the name of the chemo cocktail I will be given for 6-8 hours every 21 days for the next few months. I wonder if hors d’oeuvres will be served with the cocktails?

Later this same day …

I waited to hear from the scheduling department about setting up a day/time to get “ported,” if that makes any sense.

Maybe it’s a blessing that they didn’t call today, and I will have the weekend to get ready for next week when things will start to get very busy.

I went shopping this morning and returned the boxes of hair color that I was going to use on my very long hair. I explained that in a few weeks I wasn’t going to have any hair.

Also, I’ve decided that the barbershop might be the place to go when the time comes to … well, you know. ~Catherine

Screw Cancer! – Day 3

It’s Saturday and I’ve been out shopping again. Things are stacked up everywhere. I have to start making sense of the things I will need first once the poison is injected into my body.

God! That sounds grim.

Today, I am pissed off. I don’t want to deal with this crap. I don’t want to go to Cancer School on Monday so they can tell me all the horrible things they are going to do to my body. I don’t want to lose my hair and have a bald head. I don’t want to throw up. I don’t want a needle stuck in my hip bone so the doctor can test my bone marrow. I don’t want a PET scan because I’m afraid this goddamn cancer might be elsewhere in my body. I don’t want a port under my skin.

Sweet Jesus, I am so sorry for all the horrible things I have done in my life. If I ask you to forgive me will you take away this cancer? Please? Pretty please? Will you forgive me?

(Big sigh) Later … ~Catherine

Screw Cancer! – Day 4

Well, another 4 a.m. wake-up. There might be a nap in my future.

It’s cold this morning!

I’m going to take a break from writing much of anything today.

The photo below is from a website I found with photos of bald women. Somehow, I don’t believe I will look as pretty as this woman, but the bald look isn’t that awful. Right?

Have a great day! ~Catherine

Screw Cancer! – Day 5

No! No! No! No! No!

Today, I’m going to Cancer School to watch a video, get handouts, ask questions, blah blah blah.

I don’t want to go! I don’t want to do this!

I think that I have been misdiagnosed, and they have me confused with another person.

That’s it! There is another patient with a name similar to mine, and that’s the person with cancer.

Much too much to do today before they put a big needle in my hip, and before they put this port thing in my chest that looks like something from outer space.

Hey! Maybe I will get free WiFi or long distance calling to Canada!

Google is not my friend.

Everyone has an opinion, and I had to stop reading some of the things people posted about their experiences with cancer.

Dear God, my heart breaks for them – it truly does – but I’m in “side effects” hell right now. Cancer horror stories. Who needs that when you have just been diagnosed with cancer?

Not me! I want to run for the hills except for the fact that we don’t have any hills. OK, the beach.

Dammit to hell!

Coming back later in the day …


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