Screw Cancer! – Day 1
I’ve been awake since 4 a.m.
My first appointment isn’t until 8:45 a.m.
The doctor has already told me that I have cancer.
This morning I will find out what will happen next.
I’m hopeful that surgery, with a little of this and a little of that, will get rid of it.
I did not invite cancer to invade my body. It needs to leave NOW!
Later in the day …
The news is not what I expected. Chemo is my only option. Next week I will have a bone marrow test and a port inserted just under the skin on my chest. Hair loss is to be expected. Surgery is not an option. Other tests will include a PET scan and an echo heart something or other.
So it begins. The gal who has a fear of doctors is now going to be tied to them forever.
On the plus side, I received a ton of hugs from the staff and a stuffed bear with a sweet note.
Guess it’s time to start my collection of ball caps. ~Catherine
Screw Cancer! – Day 2
I managed to sleep last night for about six hours, and woke up at 4:40 a.m. That’s better than yesterday. Forty extra minutes.
Needless to say, I’ve been all over the Internet researching this dreadful disease. The doctor said it’s “curable.”
On Monday, I will get all kinds of information when I go to chemo class at the hospital.
R-CHOP – That’s the name of the chemo cocktail I will be given for 6-8 hours every 21 days for the next few months. I wonder if hors d’oeuvres will be served with the cocktails?
Later this same day …
I waited to hear from the scheduling department about setting up a day/time to get “ported,” if that makes any sense.
Maybe it’s a blessing that they didn’t call today, and I will have the weekend to get ready for next week when things will start to get very busy.
I went shopping this morning and returned the boxes of hair color that I was going to use on my very long hair. I explained that in a few weeks I wasn’t going to have any hair.
Also, I’ve decided that the barbershop might be the place to go when the time comes to … well, you know. ~Catherine
Screw Cancer! – Day 3
It’s Saturday and I’ve been out shopping again. Things are stacked up everywhere. I have to start making sense of the things I will need first once the poison is injected into my body.
God! That sounds grim.
Today, I am pissed off. I don’t want to deal with this crap. I don’t want to go to Cancer School on Monday so they can tell me all the horrible things they are going to do to my body. I don’t want to lose my hair and have a bald head. I don’t want to throw up. I don’t want a needle stuck in my hip bone so the doctor can test my bone marrow. I don’t want a PET scan because I’m afraid this goddamn cancer might be elsewhere in my body. I don’t want a port under my skin.
Sweet Jesus, I am so sorry for all the horrible things I have done in my life. If I ask you to forgive me will you take away this cancer? Please? Pretty please? Will you forgive me?
(Big sigh) Later … ~Catherine
Screw Cancer! – Day 4
Well, another 4 a.m. wake-up. There might be a nap in my future.
It’s cold this morning!
I’m going to take a break from writing much of anything today.
The photo below is from a website I found with photos of bald women. Somehow, I don’t believe I will look as pretty as this woman, but the bald look isn’t that awful. Right?
Have a great day! ~Catherine
Screw Cancer! – Day 5
No! No! No! No! No!
Today, I’m going to Cancer School to watch a video, get handouts, ask questions, blah blah blah.
I don’t want to go! I don’t want to do this!
I think that I have been misdiagnosed, and they have me confused with another person.
That’s it! There is another patient with a name similar to mine, and that’s the person with cancer.
Much too much to do today before they put a big needle in my hip, and before they put this port thing in my chest that looks like something from outer space.
Hey! Maybe I will get free WiFi or long distance calling to Canada!
Google is not my friend.
Everyone has an opinion, and I had to stop reading some of the things people posted about their experiences with cancer.
Dear God, my heart breaks for them – it truly does – but I’m in “side effects” hell right now. Cancer horror stories. Who needs that when you have just been diagnosed with cancer?
Not me! I want to run for the hills except for the fact that we don’t have any hills. OK, the beach.
Dammit to hell!
Coming back later in the day …
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