We do this, you know. We play little games to try and motivate ourselves to do something we ought to be doing anyway. I do this all the time. I make “deals” with myself. If I complete one task, I will get a reward. This reminds me of giving treats to a dog for rolling over. I can roll over without a treat, thank you very much. A shopping trip would be nice or lunch at my favorite sidewalk café.
Retirement has done this to me. All of my working life, I took care of other people … their wants, needs, and desires. At the end of each day, I would return home with a feeling of great accomplishment or a feeling that I wanted to throttle someone for being so incredibly stupid.
So, here I am with all this free time to do all the things I said I was going to do when I rationalized retirement. Here I sit with my rather long “to do” list. It’s as if I am waiting to give birth to some brainy idea or have a spiritual revelation. Deep down inside, I know it’s not going to happen until I make it happen. The lotto is not going to pay off for me if I don’t buy a ticket.
It’s time to get busy and do something, anything! Sometimes I miss my job. There was a sense of community even if it drove me bananas at times. For the most part, it was good … it was very good.
I vowed to do some volunteer work when I retired, but the truth is I don’t want to do that right now. The truth is I want to have some fun, let myself off the hook for not doing what I should be doing, and figure out what I’m going to do for the rest of my life.
Maybe I will go back to bed and think about this tomorrow.
I am …
the little old man who lives down the street
the English professor who dances to her own beat
the last to graduate in your class
the social outcast
the peace organizer
the average taxpayer
the creative soul
I represent all colors and creeds
I speak every language
I am no one
I am everyone
I am the eccentric who lives everywhere
I make this world a better place without your permission
If it’s Thursday then that means I’m off to doctor visit #2.
Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you my least favorite thing to do is visit the doctor. This has been a year of one visit after another, week after week, so forth and so on.
Last week’s visit was good. Lab results were good. I will see my oncologist every three months, have a CT scan every six months, and this will go on for two years. As long as these visits keep cancer away, I’m good to go.
Today is all about my thyroid. Years ago, I had an episode with double vision and spent three days in the hospital going through one test after another to rule out all the bad stuff. It all came down to low thyroid and a small nodule that proved to be benign. After seeing two of everything for a few weeks, I was referred to a fabulous endocrinologist who I’ve seen for the last ten years. I think it’s been ten. Maybe nine or eleven.
So, enough of this. I need to hit the road and do my second least favorite thing to do … drive the highway. Ugh!