Author: Catherine

“The Christian does not think God will love us because we are good, but that God will make us good because He loves us.”  ~C.S. Lewis

OPERATOR
by The Manhattan Transfer

“You will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.”  ~Anne Lamott

A SONG FOR YOU
by Donny Hathaway

“I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.”  ~Pablo Neruda

ALL IN LOVE IS FAIR
by Stevie Wonder

Have you ever encountered young people, always accompanied by an adult, standing (or sitting) outside the front door of your favorite grocery store asking for a donation or selling something that you really didn’t want? These young people are usually collecting money for a team trip, a cheerleading competition, a charity, or selling Girl Scout cookies (my personal favorite).

Well, just call me Ms-I-Donate-to-Any-People-Hanging-Outside-the-Grocery-Store-Door. Sorry, but it’s true. I do! I’m a sucker for these kids. It doesn’t matter if they give me something in return because I’m going to give them money just the same.

Thinking about this made me think back to a time when young kids would sit outside the grocery store door holding a box of free puppies or free kittens.

One such day way back when, my mother allowed me to drive to the grocery store (I was a teen with a “new license” attitude) provided I took my younger sister with me. If ever there was a reason to crank up the family station wagon to run an errand, I was there ready, willing, and able to make the trip. Unfortunately, these trips usually meant that one of my younger siblings would have to go with me.

On this particular trip, my sister and I were leaving the grocery store when we spotted two kids (accompanied by an adult, of course) sitting on the sidewalk holding a box of free puppies. Being petless at the time, my sister and I thought it would be a great idea to give a puppy a new home … our home.

It was FREE! How could anyone turn down a free puppy? Also, it’s hard to look at small, tow-headed, wide-eyed kids holding a box of free puppies and NOT take one home. So, we made our puppy selection, loaded up the car and drove home.

Mom was not happy (that is putting it mildly). She suggested that it would be a great idea for us to load up the puppy and drive back to the grocery to return it. As our good luck would have it, the puppy people were gone. What choice did we have but to drive back home with our new pet?

We were all smiles! Mom was all frowns! Dad said, “Oh, what a cute puppy, now find her a new home.”

While waiting to find a home for our puppy, my siblings and I decided to name her. Sooie! That’s what we named the puppy because she looked like a little pig. Sooie! That seemed like a swell name for a puppy that looked like a pig. Mom and Dad were not happy. They didn’t want us to name the puppy because then we might have to keep her. Things were not looking very good for Sooie, if the truth be known.

As much as my family loves animals (and we had our fair share growing up), I can say truthfully that Sooie was the dumbest dog we ever had as a pet. It was only by the grace of God that we found someone to take her and give her a good home.

Not long after, I seem to recall the person who took Sooie said something to Mom about wanting to return her. This story did have a happy ending, but I seem to have forgotten what happened to Sooie or the person who took her. Maybe they moved to Maine. That would have been my choice.

Today, just as expected, teens were outside the grocery store door asking for donations for a road trip. They are going to represent our city in a national softball tournament, or something like that. Today, just like always, I gave at the front door!

© Catherine Evermore. All rights reserved.

 

In 2018, I kept a journal about my journey with Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma. It was a way of recording my feelings – good and bad – and it really helped to write about one of the worst experiences of my life.

The following was posted on this website.

Cancer – July 27, 2018

Six months ago, I had long blond hair. Today I am bald.

Just before I started chemo, I had my hair cut short. Less than two weeks later, right after my first chemo treatment, it started to fall out. It started coming out in clumps, so I got a buzz cut that was actually quite cute. Within days what little hair that was left fell out.

That was before I lost my eyebrows and long eyelashes.

When I go outside, I wear a scarf or a cap. When I’m inside, I take it off. Lately, I’ve been removing whatever is covering my bald head while inside a store. Most always while at the cancer center.

I walk with a cane because of poor balance. The state handicapped sticker on my car is temporary, but it is a huge help when I go to the store.

I look at myself in the mirror and barely recognize myself. I know. I know. It’s just hair and it will grow back. This is true. I’m not that vain. However, it is difficult to see how I look today compared to six months ago.

We won’t talk about the weight loss. Nearly 30 lbs. to date.

We won’t talk about the numbness in my fingers and toes.

We won’t talk about the eye floaters that popped up on the day of chemo #5.

We won’t talk about the constant lack of energy and inability to sleep more than 2 or 3 hours at a time.

What I want to focus on are the results of my last two PET scans. No visible signs of cancer. My next PET will be week after next. I’m praying for the same results. No visible signs of cancer.

I have completed six rounds of the most intense chemo known to man. It has killed off everything – good and bad. Every 21 days I have spent hours at the cancer center hooked up to all kinds of infusions. The port in my chest has been a lifesaver.

Every Monday, I have shown up for lab work. The week after chemo is the most difficult because the results are very low. I’m sick for at least 10 days and slowly regain some strength. Food tastes like metal so I don’t eat much. I call these days the 10 days from hell. They are.

It is now time to move on to the next phase of this journey. In just a couple of weeks, after my next PET scan, I will meet with my doctor and she will lay out a plan of action for the next several months that will probably then become the next several years.

I know that it will take time for certain side effects to go away and even longer for my hair to grow back. The numbness in my fingers and toes may never go away. There is no guarantee.

As difficult as it has been going through chemo … and there have been times when I wanted to give up … the support that I have received from family, friends, and the cancer center got me to where I am today.

There are no words for the sense of gratitude that I am feeling today.

Catherine

© Catherine Evermore. All rights reserved.